This is my story about drug addiction growing up in Michigan. I was born in Detroit and moved to the suburbs at a young age. My family were hard working people and I grew up well thanks to my dad having a great job with one of the big three automakers. Life was good and from a young age I lived it pretty normally and didnt want for much. We had the American Dream and I was living it to the fullest. I excelled in many areas of my life from a young age ranging from sports, to academics, to social aspects as well. Outwardly, things looked to be as good as it gets.
Inwardly, the situation was much different. I had some deep personal issues on fitting in and self acceptance that I wouldn’t share with anyone. It was a very insidious feeling and was hidden well by my overcompensating in other areas of life. Hidden not only to others, but to myself as well. But one day that would all change and I would be exposed.
It was at a local tavern when I was 21 years old and a bunch of friends that I went to high school with and I were hanging out and having some beers and playing pool. One of the guys there was a long time friend that I had grown up with but that I had lost touch with over recent times. I looked up to him growing up as he was a little older and very popular. It was well known at that time that he had begun using heroin on a regular basis and I brought it up to him and told him I would like to try it. My self image and need for acceptance were about to lead to lead me on a path that would change my life forever. He gladly said that he would “hook me up” and we left and went to get what was to be my first “score” of heroin.
We drove to the inner city of Detroit and got it. I tried it for the first time and my life was changed into a living hell from that point forward. Within a short span of time, I had begun to lose everything. I had lost job after job, dropped out of college and was stealing and lying on a regular basis. This transformation took place within a year. I lost all of the positive friends in my life and completely alienated almost all of my family. I went through life this way for the next 4 years and even had some near death experiences. I was completely addicted to heroin and could not/would not do anything to change it. I did try to stop a couple of times and did a couple of local, 28 day programs and a lot of meetings and groups, but nothing worked and I would relapse every time. It was a constant struggle and the same vicious cycle over and over that always led back to me getting hooked back onto heroin. Finally, I got arrested for something serious and it was time to really look at my life and I had, for the first time in years, a chance to clean up and look at my life while I sat for months in a jail cell.
That’s when I knew I had to change. Not only did I not want to live as a criminal, but I woke up at the age of 25 completely destitute, with nothing or no one around me that was positive, and a family completely exhausted from years of being lied to after numerous attempts and sending me to different drug rehabs in Michigan to help me. It was time to “face the music” and be a man for the first time.
I ended up getting out of jail and finding a tough, long-term treatment center that helped me change my life. It was not an easy, 28-day approach, but instead a 4-6 month comprehensive biophysical, underlying issue, and life skills program. I had never attempted anything like that and it was difficult at times; but it was worth it. Slowly, I came back to who I was little by little. I did a full drug detox and cleaned my body out and started feeling better. I met some people and began interacting again and having fun for the first time in years without being under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Most importantly, I found myself again on the inside, and maybe for the first time. I tackled a lot of the issues that I had never looked at, I got completely honest with myself, I found a purpose, and I had a chance to really evaluate who I was and what I wanted. I changed, bottom line.
For the first time in years, I felt like I belonged to something good. I wanted nothing more than to give back and to show my family, and everyone else, that I could not only beat the drugs, but the things in life that were holding me back. I wanted to succeed in life and didn’t stop until I did.
Today, looking back on my past, its like I am remembering a movie or looking at someone else’s life. I have not been, nor was I up to that point, anything like the drug addict that I was for those years. This is the first time I have shared this story, as ten years clean now, I know that I will never go back to living the way I did and causing so much hurt and pain. I write it now only to share hope and to help lessen the affects of guilt or shame to anyone addicted and feeling hopeless either themselves or seeing it in their family or loved ones. There is always hope, and there is always the possibility of rehabilitation from the grips of addiction.